Saying no and then apologising

When you're busy, it's easier to say no. When you get admonished for saying no, it's a bad habit to apologise or defend yourself.

I've been flat out crazy busy working 12+ hour days, including weekends. Since it's my own business, some people have the expectation that my time doesn't matter and I should be available and responding asap to messages.

Facts

1. Since the pandemic began, I don't respond immediately any more to anyone.
2. It's not that I don't want to respond or that I am being rude. I just don't have the time or energy.
3. My priority has become me. I have learnt to put my needs before everyone else's. This was a hard thing for me to do.

This may sound like I am defending my actions. May be I am.

I made plans to meet up with someone and they did a 180 on me. They simply said I was too busy and decided they no longer wanted to meet. Actually they never want to message with me or meet ever. Period. We had agreed the place and day. The only element not confirmed was the time. I responded 24 hours later.

Also note, this was not for plans the next day or the one after. It was not that I left them hanging until the last minute. I wouldn't do that to someone.

I realise now that they have their issues. They have become offended on what they perceive as the relatively simple task of sending a message. Some people aren't that busy and have time to be messaging alot.

The Serial Messenger

Have you met these people who like to exchange messages all day everyday? Or the ones who write long messages which require long messages back?

My past experience has been they don't live in the real world. In fact, they might be figments of my imagination because you rarely see them in person.

It's fine if you are a serial messager. I can be too sometimes. If you're a friend or family member that really needs to connect with me through messages, I am there when I have time.

However, if you choose to be offended because I won't accommodate your needs and you don't respect my boundaries, that's a problem.

Permission to write

As a writer, some people don't respect that you need time to write. I remember one writing teacher that I had years ago who made the point that we have permission now to make writing our priority. We can say no to everyone and everything because we are doing a course.

The thing is we shouldn't have to be on a course or have an excuse for people to be ok that we have said no. What is important to us, especially when it comes to achieving our dreams, should be respected by others. In fact, if it's not, they don't support what you are doing and may be a barrier to your success. We are better off without them in our lives.

Writing is a serious business. It takes time. As a writer, time always seems to be our enemy. We don't have enough time to write. There's too much stuff competing for our time. Sometimes I recognise this "stuff" are actually distractions. I might entetain them briefly, but I won't let them take up a disproportionate amount of my life.

We don't want to be writing or working all the time. We want a balanced life. It's finding the balance which is tricky.

That's not to say we should never compromise or take into account other people's feelings. However, we need to do what we are comfortable with. We need to invest in ourselves and be honest with ourselves. What do we want?

The business of writing

In fact, if you say you have a business, people generally do appreciate you are busy. Unlike if you say you are writing, which has a frivolous connotation to it.

Writing is a business. What you write is a product. If you don't write, you have nothing to show for it. If you want to be a writer, you need to have written. You might not make much or any money from your writing, but it doesn't mean that writing doesn't have a value. It is valuable to you, first and foremost.

Certainly, the more you write, the better your chances of making money because:

• You become a better writer with experience.
• A fiction book is 90,000 words and worth at least 0.99p. One or two A4 sheets filled with words is worth nothing.
• An artist needs a portfolio. Your body of wotk is what helps you find an audience. A box of quality streets has at least one flavour someone will like.

The irrational other

So good-bye to the irrational people who don't appreciate what I am doing with my life. I wish you well. Ok, they're not being irrational. They have a point of view. As writers, we're experts on point of view.

Incidentally, the person who did the 180 on me was not someone I knew well. It was someone I guess I was never meant to get to know. Some people are fleeting rainbows or storms in our lives. They colour our days.

And now I've come across this tweet. Perhaps there is wisdom in PerceptionCo's words.

My business

I'm working towards something, building it brick by brick with only my own two hands. I don't have time to think, react in the best way or consider what others need.

I am a writer but I am also a designer too. Check out Designs by E.M. Blake if you aren't too busy writing.

What every writer must remember

So saying no is easier because I am building a business. I am a writer and my writing is important to me. I'm not apologising for who I am and what I do. No, I won't apologise if you are feeling hurt because I didn't set aside my priorities for you.

E.M. Blake is the author of Dilly Dally Sally, a picture book about a duckling who is lost and won't give up. 

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